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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26055928">Natural Insomnia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underdasea/pseuds/Underdasea'>Underdasea</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Domestic, Friendship, Gen, Insomnia, Tired Sam Winchester, Worried Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:42:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,902</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26055928</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underdasea/pseuds/Underdasea</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The supernatural dominates the majority of their lives but that doesn’t mean they don’t have moments of normalcy. Sam enjoys any extra time he gets to enjoy those moments, although he wishes it wouldn’t come at the expense of his sleep. Sometimes sleep just doesn’t come easy, supernatural or no supernatural.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Takes place in some magical time in later seasons where some characters are around and some are not. Also magically, there is nothing pressing going on because while I enjoy the boys in hunt mode sometimes I just like to think about what they do in-between all the excitement.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things have been quiet, the good kind. Not the type where everyone is just paused waiting to exhale as the other shoe drops. There is no cabin fever or forced inactivity because of injury. Not everything in their life is desperation even if it feels that way sometimes. Not everything in their lives is linked to the supernatural, sometimes they get to enjoy the mundane. There isn’t a feeling of peace per say but more of…comfort. They’re comfortable.</p>
<p>This of course is where the insomnia kicks in.</p>
<p>Now the Winchesters have never had the best relationship with sleep, how could they with the type of life they live, their lives are just not conductive to an ideal 6 to 8 hours of sleep kind of day. You take sleep where you can get it because as every hunter knows you take every advantage of free time to make sure you get enough sleep and bank those hours for when you have to do without. Whether it is because of demons, angels, monsters, or good old-fashioned nightmares and memories won’t allow it. Sam knows that all too well, him and sleep have been frenemies his whole life. The Cage just cemented that home, not that there isn’t a plethora of other fuel for Sam’s nightmares. Ok, so maybe this time the insomnia is a little more annoying, as far as he can tell there is no good reason for it.</p>
<p>Sam just can’t sleep.</p>
<p>Sam has issues with insomnia on the regular. There usually is a stressor or reason that he can point to that says this is why. Not this time though. But just because he isn’t sleeping well (pretty much not at all) doesn’t mean he is going to let that stop him from relaxing and enjoying the lull in the storm as it were. He used to want normal and normal people still have to deal with things like insomnia so he’ll just use the extra time to relax.</p>
<p>Besides the whole sleep issue, he is fine. No need to worry at all. He has this all under control. </p>
<p>Dean does not agree.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It starts like this.</p>
<p>They just finished a successful hunt and they are all back at the bunker and nobody is injured. Dean’s in a good mood. He cooked dinner for everyone, chicken and pasta, he even made some fancy side salad that he knew Sam would like. Sam had poured some balsamic dressing on it and when he took a bite, he barely felt any embarrassment when he let out a happy little groan causing the other three at the table to stare. Sam was no food connoisseur like his brother but that didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate a good thing. He had stabbed a piece of chicken with his fork and was lifting it up to his mouth when he noticed the lack of noise. Looking up as he took a bite of chicken he noticed the others still staring at him.</p>
<p>“What?” He mummered out the side of his mouth trying to be somewhat polite and not show the others the food he was chewing; something he wished Dean would learn to do but had given up hope for.</p>
<p>Jack looked at him with big eyes for a second before shrugging and going back to shoveling food into his mouth. Cas went back to drinking his tea, his way of joining in at dinner time without actually having to eat, but Sam could see the slight smile he hid behind the cup. And Dean, well he did the strangest thing. He looked at Sam’s plate and at the bowl holding the salad before reaching over and grabbing the bowl and tipping over a bunch of salad on his plate. He followed this by grabbing the balsamic dressing and coating his salad liberally before stabbing his fork in and taking a big bite. He chewed slowly for a second before he grunted in satisfaction.</p>
<p>“Man I’m good,” and kept right on eating.</p>
<p>Sam felt a little bit off kilter but the food was good so he went back to eating as well and the silence remained as the cutlery scrapped across plates until besides the few bits of pasta left on Sam’s plate the food was gone.</p>
<p>“Who’s up for a movie?” Dean asked as he grabbed up some empty plates and carried them to the sink to rinse them off.</p>
<p>“Sounds good, although I would rather not watch one of your slasher pictures Dean,” Castiel replied as he too got up and carried his cup as well as Jack’s dishes over to Dean to be rinsed and placed with the others.</p>
<p>Sam stacked the rest of the dishes on the table and took them over to the crowded sink hip checking his brother out of the way, so he could start rinsing them himself, being the bigger person by ignoring the pinch to his side in retaliation. </p>
<p>“I think it is Jack’s turn to pick the movie anyways. So I wouldn’t worry about it being another horror flick Cas.”</p>
<p>Dean groaned, “Fine kid, what do you want to watch?”</p>
<p>With no hesitation Jack replied, “Princess Bride!”</p>
<p>“Classic. Sure why not. I’ll make some popcorn and you and Cas get everything set up.”</p>
<p>Sam watched the two walk away hearing Jack mention something about blankets to Cas as he waved his arms about. With a little smile on his face from the Nephilim’s excitement, he turned back towards the sink and reached for the dish soap to get started on cleaning the dishes getting his hand slapped away.</p>
<p>“Leave the dishes Sammy. We can get to them tomorrow. Go change into your jammies and make your way to the Dean Cave and save me a seat on that couch you made me buy,” and Dean practically shoved Sam in the direction of their rooms.</p>
<p>Older brothers could be so bossy.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Movie night was a success. The brothers had shared the couch, Cas took a recliner, and Jack made himself at home in a nest of blankets in front of the couch. Dean had only tried to kick Sam in the face once, Jack had only knocked over the popcorn bowl when it was almost empty, Cas had only looked confused a couple of times, and Sam had avoided ridicule for mouthing along to some of the scenes since he had caught his brother doing the same thing.</p>
<p>As Cas would say, the evening was very enjoyable.</p>
<p>Deciding to take advantage of there being nothing pressing they had decided to go their own ways to enjoy some downtime before bed. Dean to his room to listen to some music with his headphones on and to make sure his mattress still remembered him. Cas and Jack to Jack’s room to watch some animal documentary on his laptop. And Sam, well Sam went where he usually went the library.</p>
<p>During the movie, he had gotten an email from Claire asking for some clarification for some hunt she was on and even though it wasn’t urgent, Sam figured better safe than sorry that he should answer right away. Besides he knew the information wasn’t for Claire, or at least just Claire, considering the way she had asked for more research and the information she listed of already knowing didn’t sound like something Claire would have experience on. If Sam had to guess, he figured that Tracy Bell had something to do with the hunt. Sam had to wonder why Claire had emailed him and not Dean. He knew he had a reputation for being a bookworm, deservedly so he wasn’t afraid to admit, but his brother was no slouch in the lore and research part of hunting. Sam might enjoy that part more but he was under no illusion that his brother couldn’t handle it himself and had in the past. Dean’s the best hunter he has ever known after all; even though his big brother talked a big game it always saddened Sam that his brother didn’t actually believe how smart he is. Winchester and self-esteem weren’t exactly two things that went together. Thanks Dad. Besides both of the girls obviously preferred Dean to him anyways so why not just email or call him?</p>
<p>He shook his head as he pulled the book he had in mind from the shelf, absentmindedly rubbing his fingers over the cover to wipe away imaginary dust. Not like he was gonna deny them the help regardless of their thoughts on him or dislike of him in Tracy’s case. He shrugged his shoulders back and tilted his neck to try to ease the ache that always seemed to persist, even if it didn’t help. Taking a seat at the table where he had left his laptop plugged in earlier, he pulled his laptop closer while taking his phone out of his pocket and setting it up to charge. The next couple of hours passed in relative quiet, there was no urgency or weight to the feeling of researching. Just like the good old days before everything was some grand problem. Those two hours had already yielded him the answers the girls needed and he had only needed to get up for one cup of coffee.</p>
<p>After clicking send on his email to Claire that contained all the necessary info, he leaned back and stretched his arms up cracking his back in a satisfying way. He’s glad they had contacted another hunter for advice because he got the feeling that they thought they had been dealing with a Wendigo and going in with the wrong information like that could have ended badly. A quick peak at the time told him it wasn’t that late but late enough where he could call it quits and head to bed. The problem being he isn’t tired yet. He stared off into the distance going through all his ideas for cataloging the MOL library and archives but nothing interested him, then his opened email caught his eye and caused a flash of inspiration. If there was a cure from a werewolf bite what other remedies and cures lurked around forgotten and or put aside. It would be handy if hunters had a database where they could look up cures for poisons, bites, or even reverse spells for whatever a witch threw at them.</p>
<p>Goal in mind he went to work collecting books off shelves, starting with things he already knew but others might not. And so the rest of the night went. With no windows to let in the sun, time could be pretty meaningless and when Sam was in what Dean called the research zone, the outside world didn’t really exist. Sam started on his laptop but when that started to irritate his eyes, he switched to notebooks. Coffee switched out for tea when his hands began to tremble. When sitting at the desk made him feel cramped, he found his way to the floor in some hidden corner out of the way. At some point, the silence of the bunker began to feel oppressive so he had gotten his headphones, opened up his music app, and hit shuffle. Not caring what he listened to just wanting the comfort of some background noise.</p>
<p>Needless to say, Sam didn’t get any sleep that night.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The bunker slowly began to shows signs of life as the others started venturing from their rooms. Dean didn’t think anything of it when he had to dump out the dredges left in the coffee pot knowing that his brother had been working on some research for Claire last night and figuring he had probably just forgot to clean it out. Although it was kind of late into the morning, almost ten o’clock, which means that Sam should have been back from his run by now and sitting at the map table while absorbed in his laptop. Maybe he was still in the shower; he did have a lot of hair to wash after all. Dean smirked to himself as he got the coffee going and went searching for the fixings for breakfast. He was thinking good old-fashioned eggs and bacon. He heard sounds coming from the hallway that heralded the arrival of angel and angel adjacent. He rolled his eyes as it sounded like they were discussing some nature documentary they had just finished watching.</p>
<p>Lame.</p>
<p>“Good morning Dean,” Castiel took a seat at the table in view of Dean so he could presumably watch Dean cook because some creepy habits never went away.</p>
<p>“Are we having bacon? I love bacon.” Jack grabbed himself a cup, opened up the fridge, and pulled out the apple juice because he still wasn’t that interested in coffee. His loss.</p>
<p>Dean just turned to the blond and raised his eyebrow. Jack smiled in return and took a seat next to Castiel.</p>
<p>“Where is Sam this morning? I did not see him in the map room and nor did I hear him head for his morning run.” Castiel casually asked.</p>
<p>Dean pushed the scrambled eggs around the pan with the spatula, “don’t know. Maybe he is in the library or he could still be sleeping.”  He tried to sound disinterested, after all his brother is an adult even if it bothered him when his brother wasn’t where he should be.</p>
<p>Dean continued to cook as Jack tried to explain to him what him and Cas had been watching last night, giving a grunt of acknowledgement every once and awhile to make it appear as though he was interested. It didn’t take long before everything was cooked and placed on serving plates in the middle of the table. Dean nudged Jack to get him to bring over plates and cutlery as he went to pour himself a refill on coffee.</p>
<p>“Hey kid go knock on Sam’s door and tell him foods ready. If he doesn’t get out of bed just push him out.”</p>
<p>Jack nodded his head and quickly walked out of the kitchen as if he was on a mission.</p>
<p>Castiel shook his head as he got up to get himself a cup of coffee so he had something to do while the others ate.</p>
<p>Jack returned after a few minutes with a frown marring his face.</p>
<p>“Sam isn’t in his room or the showers. I even checked the library quickly and his laptop is set up at one of the tables with a cold cup of coffee but he wasn’t there.”</p>
<p>Dean pushed his chair back quickly enough that it scrapped across the floor, “well he has to be somewhere around. You probably just didn’t look hard enough.” And so saying he headed towards the library, getting more annoyed by the second as his bacon grew cold.</p>
<p>“Sam! Sammy breakfast is ready and getting cold so get your ass in the kitchen or else you aren’t getting anything. “Dean started yelling before he even crossed the threshold for the library. He noticed the table with his brother’s things like Jack had said but no other sign of his brother. He yelled his brother’s name down a couple of aisles as he looked around, he was starting to get pissed now. Didn’t Sam hear him calling for him? The little shit better not be ignoring him. He ignored the slight tinge of worry as he made his way deeper into the libraries hidden corners that weren’t lit well.</p>
<p>Eventually he noticed a socked foot sticking out and renewed his calling of his brother’s name as he made his way towards it. There Sam sat stretched out in an uncomfortable position on the floor with his earbuds in and a fort of books surrounding him. Dean didn’t feel the slightest bit sorry for how hard he kicked his brother’s foot to get his attention nor the slight yelp he let out after he did so.</p>
<p>Sam gave his brother bitch face number six as he pulled one of his earbuds out of his ear and looked up at Dean, “What the hell was that for?”</p>
<p>“I’ve been calling your name for the last ten minutes and you couldn’t answer.”</p>
<p>“Sorry I didn’t hear you over my music you didn’t have to kick me.”</p>
<p>“Whatever. Breakfast is ready so get your ass up.” Despite his gruff voice, he still held a hand out towards his brother and helped to pull him to his feet, keeping a hand on his arm as he shook out the pins and needles from sitting on the floor for so long.</p>
<p>“Huh. I didn’t realize how late it was.”</p>
<p>“You are such a geek. Who gets up early just to study?”</p>
<p>The brothers made their way to the kitchen and were almost there before Dean abruptly stopped in front of his brother causing Sam to walk into him.</p>
<p>“Geez Dean warn a guy.”</p>
<p>Dean just turned and glared at his brother, his brain finally connecting that his brother was still in the same clothes as last night. “What time did you go to bed last night Sam?”</p>
<p>Sam glared back, walking past Dean continuing towards the kitchen. They both knew that Dean already knew the answer to that question.</p>
<p>“Sam.”</p>
<p>“I got distracted with stuff ok. It’s fine, not like it is the first nor last time I have pulled an all-nighter.”</p>
<p>“Ya well your ass will be going to bed early tonight. You can’t just be skipping out on sleep especially when we aren’t even on a damn hunt.”</p>
<p>Sam just rolled his eyes at his brother’s back and made his way to the table to take a seat next Jack.</p>
<p>“Sam there you are. I couldn’t find you.”</p>
<p>“Morning Jack. I was just in the library sitting back in the stacks is all.” Sam patted him on the shoulder gently in greeting and as thanks for being worried about him. “Let’s eat.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sam rain the towel over his head one last time before throwing it across the room into his hamper to join his other towel from his shower. Finger combing his hair back he glanced around his room and debated about what he should do with his time now. There was laundry or maybe clean up his desk because it was covered with papers. None of those things really interested him. He could do what Dean had ordered and take a nap but he wasn’t the least bit tired even after not getting much sleep on their last hunt nor any sleep the night before.</p>
<p>He was just full of nervous energy and didn’t feel like sitting still. He needed to find something to do that wouldn’t have Dean going mother hen on him. He decided to at least head back to the library to clean up his work from last night. He had made some good progress on his cataloguing of cures and when he eventually went back to working on it, he needed to make sure he didn’t lose what he already worked on since it wasn’t all imputed into his laptop yet.</p>
<p>Plan in motion he headed to the library to do just that. First, he cleaned up his corner, putting books back and collecting his notebook to put on the shelf with his other materials that he used to catalogue the Men of Letters archives. Heading back to his usual table his hand hovered over his laptop debating whether he should open it and get to work on one of his other projects or maybe even look to see if any other hunts had cropped up.</p>
<p>“Sam, is everything alright?” Castiel asked, startling Sam causing his fingers to curl back away from his laptop.</p>
<p>“Ya, everything’s fine Cas I was just lost in thought.”</p>
<p>“If you are sure.”</p>
<p>“What day of the week is it anyways?”</p>
<p>Castiel blinked the only sign he was confused at the change of conversation. Castiel then did that weird thing where his eyes went blank like he was looking through some brain rolodex to search for the right answer. “I believe that today would be a Thursday.”</p>
<p>Sam felt a tiny smile start to break free as he fought not to laugh knowing that the angel in front of him would not get the humour of him announcing that it was a Thursday. Sometimes it was the little things that could make a day slightly better. Anyways it was a good thing it was Thursday because that meant that the farmers market was opened until four which left plenty of time for him to make his way over there. They were running low on fruits and vegetables and while his big brother could care less Sam was running low on stuff for his smoothies and had a craving for peaches. </p>
<p>“How do you feel about a visit to the Farmer’s Market? We could get you some more of that honey you like and Jack and Dean a couple of those cinnamon buns that Ruth makes.”</p>
<p>“That would be acceptable. I do enjoy going when compared to the grocery store that your brother seems to favour.”</p>
<p>“Great. Let me grab my wallet and we can take your truck.”</p>
<p>“I shall tell the others and meet you in the garage then.”</p>
<p>“Ask them if we need to get anything else while we are out.” Sam called out over his shoulder as he made his way back towards his room.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sam blinked and then blinked again. He might have gone a little overboard; maybe he should have taken a nap like the one Dean had ordered after breakfast. Geez but that was a lot of peaches. Cindy had let him eat one before he had paid her and it had been so good that he ended up getting three baskets full.  Small baskets but still there were no way that they were going to make it through all of them before they went bad.</p>
<p>The driver’s side door closed with a slight squeal startling him from his contemplation of his haul.</p>
<p>“I understand that you like peaches Sam but perhaps you need not have gotten so many.” Cas too was now eyeing the mountain of peaches that sat amongst the rest of their haul in the middle of the seat.</p>
<p>“I know they just tasted so good. Maybe I will just cut them up and put them in the freezer for smoothies.” Sam ran his hand through his hair slightly biting down on his lip before pulling himself into the cab and closing the door. Besides the peaches, they had gotten a good variety of fruits and veggies, Cas some honey, the cinnamon buns, and they even had a guy who had been selling pepperettes, which he had gotten Dean three flavours to try. </p>
<p>“I’ll figure it out. Anyways we still have to stop at the liquor store on the way back to get Dean some more beer. “ He held his hand up to stall what he knew Cas was going to say, “I know he asked for more than beer but he drinks enough as it is and besides there is no reason for him to be drinking the hard stuff right now so he can just deal with drinking beer. Maybe he could even try drinking a bottle of water instead.”</p>
<p>“If you say so, although perhaps getting that more expensive kind of beer your brother likes wouldn’t go amiss.” The angel replied eyes never leaving the road as he made his way to the well-travelled liquor store.</p>
<p>When they got back to the bunker Cas helped him carry everything into the kitchen and they were almost done putting everything away when Dean appeared empty plate in hand. The peaches still sat on the table and they caused the older hunter to raise his eyebrows but he refrained from saying anything, just giving his brother a strange look before shaking his head and putting his plate in the sink. He opened the fridge investigating to see what else they brought back letting out a quiet nice when he noticed the good beer.</p>
<p>“So what kind of whiskey did you get me?”</p>
<p>“We didn’t get you any.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean you didn’t get me any?”</p>
<p>Castiel sighed knowing one of the brothers petty arguments was about to begin, so he grabbed the container with Jack’s cinnamon bun in it and went to find the Nephilim, leaving the brothers to their squabbles.</p>
<p>“You don’t need any. I got you beer. I even sprang for the good stuff. There is this thing called water you can try that instead or if that isn’t to your liking there is still plenty of juice left. “</p>
<p>“Juice, are you kidding me. Do I look like a five year old to you?”</p>
<p>Sam raised his eyebrow choosing not to comment but his brother heard it all the same.</p>
<p>“I don’t need you monitoring my drinking.”</p>
<p>“If you want to drink there is some beer in the fridge I am not going to stop you,” Sam replied before turning away from his brother grabbing himself another peach. He made sure to be nonchalant to extra annoy his brother, even if he didn’t really feel like getting in a fight with him. Sometimes his brother got it into his head that it was ok for him to worry about everyone else but not for others to worry about him. Jokes on him but his brother’s safety and happiness are the reason Sam had started praying in the first place as a kid. So Sam would worry whether Dean liked it or not.</p>
<p>Dean glared at the back of his brother’s smug head, hands clenching at his sides as he fought to control his temper. He did appreciate though that his brother had shelved out for the good beer at least and maybe he could use a little break from hunter’s helper but like hell would he admit that.</p>
<p>After a beat of silence Sam cleared his throat before he casually ignored any lingering tension, “we got you a cinnamon bun, made fresh this morning. I even made sure she grabbed the one with the most icing. And because I am such a great brother I got you these pepperettes to try,” Sam shot his brother a sly glance out of the corner of his eyes as he noticed him make for the container with the cinnamon bun. Before he could open it and take a bite, he seemed to freeze as he registered what his brother had said. Turning back to face his little brother he was met by Sam holding up a brown paper bag. He quickly snatched it from Sam’s hand opening it quickly and eyes closing in bliss as he got a whiff of what it contained. He pulled out one of the packets and struggled to rip through the plastic to get to the goodness inside.</p>
<p>“I got you honey garlic, teriyaki, and some regular hot ones to try.” Sam threw out the pit from his peach and made his way out of the kitchen calling back over his shoulder, “your welcome. Jerk”</p>
<p>Dean didn’t respond having resorted to using his teeth to open the packaging and finally getting to the prize before taking a big bite out of one of the pepperettes, letting out little happy noises earlier argument forgotten. Sam smirked to himself as he made his way towards the library.</p>
<p>Point little brother.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>That night Sam tried to sleep. He really did and there is about forty minutes of time where he is pretty sure he actually dozed off so it’s not as if he didn’t get any sleep. However, after multiple hours of tossing and turning he gave up and pulled out his laptop. Once opening it, he didn’t actually know what he wanted to do. There was always Netflix but he didn’t really feel like watching anything. For some reason he started to think about the peaches that still sat in their baskets in the kitchen off to the side where he had left them earlier. He could do what he had suggested and keep them for his smoothies but that didn’t really appeal to him. They were very good and he wished the others would be more interested in eating them but neither Dean nor Jack were big fruit eaters and Cas didn’t need to eat.</p>
<p>He subconsciously had opened up a browser and before he knew, it had Pinterest opened. He quickly glanced up like his brother would magically appear to mock him from knowing what the site was let alone using it. He typed in peaches to see what would appear and started scrolling through the results. He noticed many of the results contained baked goods. Now Sam could cook the basics, he wouldn’t have survived Stanford if he didn’t, but Dean was by far the better cook. Baking on the other hand was something he somewhat enjoyed even if he never did it. He used to help Jess make things for various charities, he ignored the ache is chest that that those memories caused even after all the years.</p>
<p>He added the word pie to his search terms and started to scrutinize all the results looking for a recipe that would make his brother weep. If he was doing this, he was going to go full tilt. Besides, if he bribed his brother with pie maybe that would distract him enough so that he didn’t notice that Sam had spent another night not sleeping.</p>
<p>A half an hour later, he had all the ingredients spread out in front of him and his laptop on the table recipe opened and waiting.</p>
<p>It was time to go to work.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Dean had a smug look on his face as he made his way to the kitchen the next morning after having taken a shower and used his brother’s shampoo. He might give him a hard time but he did have to admit that Sammy’s shampoo made his hair feel super soft. Plus, while the little bitch might have distracted him yesterday from their argument, he couldn’t let him think he could always manipulate his brother like that.</p>
<p>He blinked though in bewilderment when he walked in the kitchen and saw a mound of dishes in the sink. There also appeared to be small little patches of flour all over the place and then the smell registered. Dear Chuck what was that heavenly smell. He followed his nose like Toucan Sam to a dish covered off to the side. He reached out, his fingers grazing the towel covering the dish about to rip it off when the sound of the others made him guilty yank his hand away before he could reveal the prize.</p>
<p>“What is that smell? It smells awesome!” Jack practically skipped into the kitchen in his excitement.</p>
<p>Even Cas sniffed the air and seemed to be intrigued. Suspiciously, as Sam followed the other two into the kitchen, he didn’t appear to be surprised which caused Dean to focus on his brother. His eyes narrowing in their intense focus while looking back and forth between Sam and the hidden dish.</p>
<p>“What’s with the covered dish Sam?” Dean asked, trying to aim for casual.</p>
<p>“Hmm. Oh you haven’t looked yet. Not like it’s a secret or anything, just thought I should keep it covered.” Sam walked over to his brother and pulled the towel off it himself before walking over to the coffee maker and getting it started.</p>
<p>And maybe Dean was a little slow that morning since he hadn’t yet had his cup of morning joe but pinching himself didn’t seem to help either because there in front him was a beautiful pie. If he was going by the smell and the fruit that he could see through the lattice, a peach one at that. He was about to dip his pinky in just for a little taste, sampling the goods if you will, but his brother slapped his hand away.</p>
<p>“Ouch. What’s your problem?” Dean angrily asked.</p>
<p>“My problem is that you are not going to eat that first thing in the morning. At least have some breakfast first.” Sam replied before heading to the fridge to get out the fixings for veggie omelets by the looks of things.</p>
<p>“I am a grown man and if I want to eat pie for breakfast well than I freaking will.”</p>
<p>“Dean your brother is right.” Cas turned to Jack, “dessert is not acceptable for breakfast.” Here he started to look confused, “well I suppose that is not fully true because I have seen many people partake in donuts for breakfast. As well, one could argue that pancakes, waffles, and French toast are dessert like. Also there is that strange pie that is made with eggs, quiche I believe it is called I’m not sure what that is classified as…”</p>
<p>“Cas, dude just stop talking I think you’re confusing the kid.” Dean shook his head at his friend taking a seat at the table and watching Sam cut up vegetables.</p>
<p>“Fine, I’ll just have the pie for breakfast dessert. Sam I want extra cheese in my omelet and hold the veggies.”</p>
<p>“Nope. You’re getting veggies or no pie for you.” Sam smugly answered. Dean was about to retort but Sam cut him off, “I can and will stop you from having it because I made it so I get to decide who eats it.”</p>
<p>“Well maybe I don’t want it now knowing that you made it.” Dean bitterly replied, glaring at the back of his brother’s head that hadn’t turned around this whole time since getting started on breakfast.</p>
<p>“Hey no skin off my back if you don’t want any.” Sam shrugged as the eggs hit the pan with a sizzle.</p>
<p>Dean muttered under his breath some unkind comments on his brother and glared at the Nephilim that seemed to be enjoying the morning entertainment.  Getting up to toast some bread, white bread that is so he felt like he had some control over his morning.</p>
<p>Jack asked a question about a show he was watching on Netflix and since it was something they all had seen, it started a discussion that continued all through breakfast and by the time Dean was on his second cup of coffee everyone was in a good mood.</p>
<p>“So can we eat pie now or what? Which by the way did you get up early to make this or something Sammy? I love me some pie but who gets up early to bake.”</p>
<p>Sam largely choose to ignore his brother instead pulling out some clean plates and knife to cut the pie with before bringing over the pie to his brother to allow him to do the honors of cutting it, wanting to make sure to distract him from asking any more questions about Sam’s sleeping habits or lack of them.</p>
<p>The first cut of the knife through the pie just made the smell intensify and that spicy scent of cinnamon and other baking spices mixed with the smell of fresh peaches making Dean groan in anticipation. He cut out pieces for everyone, giving himself the biggest slice of course and making sure that Cas only got a small one because the pie is wasted on him anyways. When that fork crossed his lips, let’s just say the smell did not do this wonderful creation justice.  Nothing existed outside of this pie now, the world could be ending, and Dean wouldn’t care as long as he can continue eating this pie.</p>
<p>Sam on the other hand while pleased on how his baking foray turned out, the spice mixture just added this extra warmth to help cut some of the sweetness, was rather uncomfortable with the essentially pornographic noises his brother was currently making as he ate his piece. He tried to focus on Cas and Jack instead who both seemed to be enjoying their pieces, Jack in particular looking pleased. Small warmth crept into his belly at seeing his family happy because of something he did, what were a few lost hours of sleep in the face of that.</p>
<p>Dean literally licked his plate clean. “Damn Sammy am I glad you brought home all those peaches. That is the best peach pie I have ever had. Although why haven’t you been making your awesome big brother pie all this time?”</p>
<p>“Ya the pie was great! We should have pie with breakfast all the time.” Jack smiled at Sam.</p>
<p>“Truly Sam you have done well in the making of this pie.” High praise indeed coming from Cas since most things still just tasted like molecules to him.</p>
<p>Sam tried to stop himself from blushing, allowing some hair to fall in his face. “Thanks guys. I’m glad you liked it.”</p>
<p>“I wish there was more of it.” Dean mournfully looked at the pie plate, which now only held a little under half a pie.</p>
<p>Sam pushed back from the table and went to pour himself another coffee to take with him to the library. Figuring since he cooked the others could clean. “There is another pie in the fridge. I made two. I figured tomorrow we could heat it up and serve it with some of the vanilla ice cream.” Sam announced as he made his way out of the kitchen.</p>
<p>Dean groaned in happiness, practically wiping drool from his chin as he called out to his brother’s back, “Man Sammy you sure know how to make a grown man cry.”</p>
<p>Sam’s laughter echoed off the walls of the bunker in reply.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They spend the rest of their morning just keeping busy. Dean works on the Impala in the garage with Castiel there to keep him company, handing him tools and even helping to clean the Impala when Dean is done with her tune up. Sam spends his morning working on his catalogue system while Jack reads lore on Rougarou’s and asks Sam questions and clarifications on the things he has read. A rather mundane morning for them and it continues that way for the rest of the day.</p>
<p>Sam finds himself feeling slightly tired but not tired enough to sleep. He knows he should feel slightly worried now that it has been more than two days of not sleeping but in the grand scheme of things, it is nothing. Besides all it has done so far is give him some extra time to work on regular projects.  So he ignores the headache that is starting to lurk behind his eyes and agrees to go grocery shopping with the others when Dean decides he wants tacos for dinner but they don’t have everything they need.</p>
<p>At one point, he finds himself in the snack aisle of the grocery store alone staring at a shelf of cookies. He finds himself zeroed in on a box of animal crackers. He doesn’t know why they’ve caught his attention, he doesn’t think he has eaten them since he was a kid, but there is some impulse inside of him that says he needs them. He knows that sleep deprivation can cause mood swings so maybe it is causing this feeling of nostalgia that has risen in him. Shrugging to himself, he grabs a couple of packs and makes his way back to their cart to drop them in next to Jack’s cereal. Dean rises in eyebrow at him and lets out a questioning “dude” but doesn’t push the issue. When they get back to the bunker and Sam goes to put them in one of the many cupboards he can almost hear his Dad telling him not to play with his food when he would make the different animals dance before taking a bite. Smiles to himself as he remembers the elaborate stories that Dean used to make up to try and explain to him why the monkey was the only one who got to wear pants when he asked his brother why none of the other animals had clothes.</p>
<p>So caught up in his thoughts he doesn’t notice when the others slowly start trickling out of the kitchen to go do whatever they had planned for the rest of the afternoon. Except for Jack who is really, close behind Sam when he turns around. “Geez Jack have you been taking lessons from Cas?” Furthering the comparison, he tilts his head in confusion not understanding Sam’s issue.  Sam lets out a sigh, no point in bothering to try to explain personal space because the angels never seem to understand that concept. “What is it you need bud?”</p>
<p>“Well I thought since you haven’t been sleeping well lately that we could try something. I’ve seen it on some of the shows I watched and it looks like fun at least even if it doesn’t work but I’ve always wanted to try.” Jack was practically stumbling over himself in his excitement.</p>
<p>“Sure why not. Not like I don’t have the time.” Sam said, a small smile teasing the corners of his mouth.</p>
<p>“Great! Come on we have to get some supplies and I already have the perfect place in mind to set everything up.” Jack took off towards the bedrooms.</p>
<p>“You still haven’t told me what it is that we are doing.”</p>
<p>“A blanket fort. We are gonna build one, a big one.” Jack answered excitedly, with barely a pause in his stride as he opened his door and started to pull some blankets out of his closet.</p>
<p>Sam just watched the kid for a minute in surprise. Of all the things that he thought that Jack would suggest he could say with a hundred percent certainty that a blanket fort had not crossed his mind. He was far too old for such things now and he didn’t think it would really be any help with his sleeping issues but you know what, screw it. Why not, it doesn’t hurt to try and he can tell that the kid just really wants to make one.</p>
<p>“We can raid the supply closet and grab some more blankets and pillows.” Sam figures they might as well go full tilt especially if this blanket fort is going to have to fit two grown men in it, he starts planning it in his head as Jack piles more blankets and sheets in his arms.</p>
<p>Cue hours later when Dean comes to tell them that dinner will be ready in an hour. It takes a little bit to find them but he notices a door left open to one of the bedrooms further down from Jack’s room. He lightly pushes the door open more after he doesn’t hear anything and has to blink a few times just to make sure he is seeing what he is seeing. He has to admit that he is surprised and impressed; impressed they managed to build a blanket fort that big. The thing looks structurally sound and he can tell that Sam and Jack are actually in it by the shoes left out in front of what has to be the entrance of what is essentially one big fancy tent. The bed has been stripped and pushed against the far right wall with some of the sheets seemingly tied to the lights scones. If he is not mistaken that is a hat rack in the middle holding up the sheets to stop the roof from sagging too much in the middle. Leave it to Sammy to go the extra mile, even if it is just for a blanket fort. Although Dean thinks, he could have made one way cooler.</p>
<p>He crouches down to peek inside, lightly pulling back the sheet acting as a door. The inside is impressive; it has to be to fit his brother. Basically, it looks like a linen closet threw up in the fort considering the giant nest of blankets and pillows. In the center of the pile finds Jack curled up around Sam, head pillowed on his brothers stomach and a slight trail of drool coming from his mouth. Meanwhile Sam is playing on what looks like Jack’s phone and now that he is paying attention, he can hear the quiet sounds of Candy Crush. His brother looks up in acknowledgement of his presence but doesn’t say anything nor does he look embarrassed to be caught out in such a situation. There is so much potential black mail material sitting ripe for the taking but Dean lets it go, for now glad his brother is at least resting if he isn’t going to sleep.</p>
<p>“Uh, just wanted to let you guys know that dinner is an hour.” So saying Dean backs up out of the fort, stands up scratches the back of his head looks at the fort one more time and walks out of the room back towards the kitchen.</p>
<p>Jack shows up for dinner with crease marks indented on his face and rubbing his eyes like a toddler. While the undersides of Sam’s eyes have a purple tinge to them, Sam looks relaxed. Mealtime is once again very domestic and easy going, typical teasing and of course petty arguments aplenty but nothing mean spirited. When everyone is done eating and Dean has entered his happy place after partaking in more peach pie this time with added ice cream they kind of all just quietly sit there no one ready to go their separate ways yet.</p>
<p>Sam clearing his throat has the others swiveling their heads to look at him, “so I was thinking maybe we could watch a basketball game or something. I noticed earlier that the Spurs are playing tonight and it has been awhile since we’ve watched a game but a movie would be cool too.”</p>
<p>“Hmm I could go for that. A couple of beers and some chips, well cue it up Sam I’ll get the snacks.” Dean answered.</p>
<p>Jack looked over at Castiel who just shrugged in response and turned to follow Sam who was mumbling to himself how his brother could possibly still be hungry.  </p>
<p>Later when Sam was lying down in bed and staring at the ceiling with dry eyes, he had to admit it had been a good day. Uneventful and honestly, the brothers needed that sometimes. To hang out, do some chores; yell at something or someone else in the case of referees, besides each other. It was nice to be reminded that not everything had to be life or death or about the hunt. So ok, he had missed some sleep but the extra time had been put to good use because sometimes his brother’s obsession with pie was justified.  All that was left to do was to close his eyes and sleep.</p>
<p>If only it were that easy.</p>
<p>It should be that easy.</p>
<p>Yet here he was the green numbers on his alarm clock steadily climbing. Body and mind were tired, ready to sleep but not able to. Letting out a frustrated breath he pushed himself up and sat on his bed with feet firmly planted on the floor. His eyes roamed around his room searching for answers, mind going over some of the supposedly helpful tips for curing insomnia that he had read over the years. Spotting his yoga matt in the corner he decided to go with Jack’s theme of relaxation and try some light poses to get rid of the tension in his body from the stress of not being able to sleep. If he didn’t get some sleep, he knew that Dean’s patience with him would run out. His brother hated it when he went more than a couple of days without sleeping while on a hunt, he wouldn’t tolerate three plus days of no sleep without cause.</p>
<p>The yoga was good for loosening up his muscles but two hours later, it was all undone as he sat at his desk on his laptop. Once again, there was no sleep to be had. Even if there wasn’t any monsters to hunt, real or the ones that lived inside his head, when all was quiet Sam couldn’t function normally. Sometimes it was easy to pretend he wasn’t any more broken than others were in the hunting life, but in moments like this where he couldn’t take sleep even when it was practically handed to him, it was hard to deny.</p>
<p>He was just so tired.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning finds Sam in his room far past the time he is usually out of bed. Breakfast time comes and goes without him acknowledging it, lost in his own little world reading random lore of no importance but interesting enough to catch his attention for just the joy of knowledge sake. Although considering he hasn’t been sleeping who knows how much of what he is reading he will actually retain. He completely forgets that there are even other people in the bunker with his tuning out of the outside world as he starts to notice the effects of sleep deprivation. His mood souring as the morning went on, the easy going day of yesterday might have been years in the past.</p>
<p>Not having anything to eat probably isn’t helping but he just isn’t hungry. The lack of coffee this morning aiding in making the full blown headache that now sits behind his eyes worse he’s sure. At least he has managed to down some water he thinks as he cracks his third bottle from the stash that he keeps in his room.</p>
<p>A quiet knock interrupts his solitude some indeterminable time later.</p>
<p>“Ya?” He calls out halfheartedly.</p>
<p>His door opens and instead of his brother who he expected had come to nag at him Jack’s head pokes in, “Um I hadn’t seen you this morning and I figured you were catching up on some sleep.” Sam sees Jack eyes dart to his rumpled bed, a small furrow in his eyebrows belaying his worry. “I have nothing really to do. Dean’s busy with something and Castiel went out, so I was just wondering if you wanted to go exploring some of the lower rooms of the bunker with me?” Jack asked hesitantly.</p>
<p>Taking a deep breath before he found himself snapping at Jack who defiantly didn’t deserve to be at the end of his temper, he was about to respond with a no but sitting in his room stewing wasn’t going to solve anything. Being in close proximity to his bed hasn’t encouraged him to sleep so he might as well move on with his day and let sleep come to him. The bitter part of him thought because that had worked so well so far. Besides there was a room of artifacts that him and Dean hadn’t had the opportunity to really explore that he’s always been curious about but always forgets about when he has free time. If he were thinking more clearly, he would realize that he probably shouldn’t be taking Jack to a room of unidentified artifacts that could be dangerous. Not even to mention that he shouldn’t be messing with things he doesn’t understand in his sleepless state.</p>
<p>“Sure why not. There’s a room I’ve been meaning to look through we can start there," Sam replied.</p>
<p>“Should we grab Dean than since you haven’t gone through it?” Jack asked.</p>
<p>“I’m sure we can handle it.” Sam let his eyes go slightly wide, subconsciously giving Jack a small taste of the puppy dog eye, which works on the young Nephilim.</p>
<p>He stumbles getting up from his desk, hip catching the corner hard enough to smart and leave a mark. He rights himself before he falls and holds up his hand towards Jack to stave off any comment on his lack of coordination. He just walks past Jack and leads the way into the unused parts of the bunker.</p>
<p>They are probably on their eighth box containing honestly mostly crap, by the time that Dean shows up already primed for anger because of feeling a little stir crazy.</p>
<p>“What the hell are you two doing?” Dean yelled.</p>
<p>Considering that they have both partaken in the hospitality of hell and been traumatized from their experiences you would think it would be a word they didn’t throw out so carelessly, is the first thought Sam had in the face of his brother’s anger which showed where his head was at.</p>
<p>Jack looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “We are just exploring. There isn’t really much in any of the boxes so far but maybe we will find something useful in one of the ones we haven’t touched yet.” Jack misread the situation and figured that Dean’s anger stemmed from them wasting time on what was essentially garbage going by Sam’s disappointed face every time he pulled something else from a box.</p>
<p>“Good! I’m glad you didn’t find anything because who knows what kind of dangerous crap could be lying around in this room. It is never a good thing when the Men of Letters leave things locked up and without any kind of labels. You shouldn’t be playing around in this stuff without proper precautions.” Dean turned his stare on his brother, “I thought we agreed that we weren’t gonna touch this room until we both had time to go through this together and a couple of curse boxes ready to go with Castiel on speed dial in case something in here decided to bite us in the ass. “</p>
<p>Like their Dad the angrier that Dean got the gruffer his voice got and he was practically growling when he finished his lecture but Sam was too tired to care and just casually shrugged his shoulders in response when his brother continued to look at him for an explanation.</p>
<p>Clenching his jaw as his brother’s lackadaisical response the elder Winchester turned his ire back towards Jack who was slowly making his way out of the room.</p>
<p>“You see I was bored and I thought that it would be fun to explore the bunker and so I asked Sam if he wanted to join me and he suggested this room…I’m sorry I didn’t know we weren’t supposed to come in here.”</p>
<p>Jack was very contrite which lessened Dean’s anger, not that he was angry with him in the first place. His stupid brother on the other hand who didn’t know how to take care of himself made him plenty angry but Jack was a convenient target.</p>
<p>“You know better than to be messing around with shit you don’t understand kid, especially without back up.” Dean ignored his brother’s scoff and muttered hypocrite.</p>
<p>Jack started to look distressed. He hated to disappoint any of the bunker’s inhabitants.</p>
<p>“But he did this thing with his eyes and and and it was like the time that Castiel took me to see the animals at the animal shelter,” Jack complained losing his composure, “what was I supposed to do. You never trained me yet on what I am supposed to do when that happens.”</p>
<p>Dean just looked at the kid in bewilderment some of his anger deflating, “ok calm down. Let’s just put this stuff away and head out to the map room. I told Cas to bring back some pizza and figured we could have an early dinner. Since some of us skipped lunch,” here he side eyed his brother, “and breakfast.”</p>
<p>Sam knowing that his brother would just physically drag him from the room if he didn’t comply began carefully repacking the box that they had been working on. It wasn’t as if it was a big loss to give up on the room; by this point, he figured they had just found the Men of Letters garage sale items and they had just locked the room out of habit. Disappointing but sometimes it was nice to deal with things that didn’t have big picture implications.</p>
<p>Jack had already left to make his way to the map room but Dean stood leaning against the doorjamb watching his little brother finish up to make sure that he would actually leave well enough alone. When Sam was done, he didn’t say anything to Dean, just slipped past him to head to the map room. Therefore, he didn’t see his brother clench his jaw in irritation at his brother’s lack of acknowledgement. Sam took a seat next to Jack and Dean one across from him and the trio sat in uncomfortable silence until Castiel’s return.</p>
<p>Dean knew his brother wasn’t even aware of his frequent yawning but he found himself hyperaware of it. There was nothing like watching someone else who looks exhausted to highlight how tired you yourself feel. It is too bad that yelling at Sam to go to bed would not actual work, might be worth a try though.</p>
<p>Jack couldn’t have been happier when Castiel returned and placed the pizzas on the center of the table along with a 6 pack of beer and garlic bread. Not only were the delicious smells coming from the food welcome so too was the slight breaking of the tense atmosphere.  Dean grabbed a plate from a stack that he had put on the map table earlier and handed it to his brother before grabbing his own. They grabbed some slices and started eating in silence before Castiel oblivious to the tension between the brothers brought up a potential hunt he had found.</p>
<p>The possible hunt was across the country and was a just a simple salt and burn from the sounds of it. Even though they would probably be going stir crazy soon they decided to delegate to another hunter but the distraction worked in breaking the ice and soon they began to reminisce about other salt and burns they had been on in their lives. Dean had just finished retelling one from their childhood where a ghost had thrown a dress at their Dad’s face and describing with great detail the incredulous look on John’s face had everyone laughing.</p>
<p>“What other weird items have ghosts used against you?” Jack asked, excited like a kid at story time.</p>
<p>A simple request but in retrospect the calm before the storm.</p>
<p>“So get this, this family was being haunted by this spirit who hadn’t yet escalated to anything really dangerous, just petty little things by moving stuff around and strange noises during the night. It had a penchant for doing strange things with their kid’s toys; place them in weird tableaus or leaving them in strange places that the kids denied responsibility for doing. It escalated when one of the kids’ stuff animals caused the Dad to fall down the stairs and break his leg and when some toys in the dryer caused a small fire to break out.  After that, the family was staying in a hotel because their kids were too afraid to stay, complaining that they felt like their toys were watching them. So I go to investigate right and as I make my way through the upstairs I suddenly  am being pelted with stuff animals, remote control cars are ramming my feet trying to trip me up, and there is this one toy doll that just starts laughing. I figured it was best to retreat and as I was leaving, this one kid block was whipped at my ribs so hard that it left this perfect square shaped bruise on my ribs for a week. Turned out the ghost was the owner of the house about twenty years ago who didn’t like kids and wasn’t happy a family with three of them had moved in.” Sam finished his story shaking his head remembering the strangeness of having toys be weapons.</p>
<p>“It sounds like the toys were strangely effective weapons.” Castiel said.</p>
<p>“The doll laughing would have been creepy. Do children like their toys to talk to them?” Jack asked looking over at Dean who was being unusually quiet considering his brother just brought up something that was perfect fuel for making fun of him.</p>
<p>Instead of teasing, Dean sounded angry when he ignored Jack’s question and asked a question himself. “Ya, that is some weird shit to have used against you Sam. When did this happen though? I don’t recall going on a hunt like that.”</p>
<p>Sam had made a mistake. If he wasn’t so tired he would have known to keep his mouth shut but it was too late now as his mind cleared enough of the mental fog from not sleeping for him to remember that it wasn’t a hunt he had went on with his brother. For a second he debated lying to his brother and saying it was one he went on during one of their separations from Dean being in Hell or Purgatory or even during one of their breaks from fighting with each other. He didn’t want to lie though, even if it would be easier, they were trying to be more open and honest with each other, and he didn’t want to ruin that so he told the truth.</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t remember it because you weren’t there; it’s a hunt I went on when I was at Stanford.”</p>
<p>“A hunt from Stanford,” Dean’s voice was icy and Sam could see his hand clench where it lay on the table. "You hunted when you were at Stanford even though you were out of the game. You hunted on your own without any backup let alone without anyone knowing what you were up to incase something happened.” Dean’s voice rose in volume as he looked like he was ready to spit fire at his brother.</p>
<p>He made an aborted motion like he was about to get up but Castiel reached over to put a hand on his arm which Dean shook off. “What were you thinking Sam?”</p>
<p>Almost two decades later and even if for the most part they could joke about some parts of Sam’s college life, those four years were still very much a touchy subject. Objectively Sam knew his brother was already geared up because of the whole exploring with Jack and the Sam not sleeping issues but he wasn’t in the mood to mediate the situation. His own temper was simmering under the surface and his lack of sleep didn’t allow him to rain it in. Moments like these in the back of Sam’s mind, he acknowledged that he and Dean were definitely John Winchesters kids because they both shared his temper.</p>
<p>“Just because I wasn’t officially in the game doesn’t mean I was going to ignore things going on in my backyard Dean. And don’t talk to me about hunting alone, you spent those years mostly hunting alone yourself so you have no room to lecture me. Besides it was just one measly hunt, a milk run.”</p>
<p>“There is a difference because I had backup if I needed it and I still had access to all the resources I needed. And we both know that it wasn’t just one hunt.”</p>
<p>They were both standing at this point leaning forward on the map table practically spitting in each other’s face with neither gaining ground. They continued to argue, the argument turning pettier as their two observers watched them go back and forth like a tennis match not wanting to get between the two brothers emotionally charged moment unless it got physical. Now they seemed to be just repeating themselves and letting out some built in frustration.</p>
<p>“You could have called ME.” Dean finally yelled.</p>
<p>The silence that echoed after that statement hung in the air along with the huffing breaths from their shouting match. Sam finally took a step back, running his hands through his hair he looked at his brother defeated before quietly asking, “Could I?”</p>
<p>Dean looked stunned as his brother turned and quietly walked away towards his room. Dean watched him go as his mind replayed the look on his brother’s face. Seeing how bruised his eyes had looked and how pale his skin was, giving him flashbacks of another time. Dean took a deep breath before suddenly slapping his hands down on the table and then proceeded to sweep off the empty pizza boxes before storming to his own room slamming the door behind him.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sam sat in his room with his head in his hands regretful for how the night played out. He let his anger get the best of him, he hated when he and Dean spit out words with the intention to hurt one another. He isn’t even angry with his brother. He is angry with himself though. These mood swings have just kicked into high gear. His eyes feel gritty and his head feels like it’s in a vice. His body aches. His mouth dry and pasty like he’s starved for water.</p>
<p>He is angry with himself, his body, and his mind. He feels like his mind is always letting him down. He hates feeling to broken for normal despite his efforts. And don’t get him wrong most of time he is over it, he likes where he is and accepts it. For the most part, he enjoys his weird codependent life with his brother and if he still dreams of normal, it isn’t the normal of others but some kind of normal that he and his family cut out for themselves.</p>
<p>None of this would be a problem right now if he could just sleep.</p>
<p>Why can’t he sleep?</p>
<p>He ends up zoning out for a couple of hours and what snaps him out of it is the burning itchy sensation that plagues his eyes. He feels like someone has thrown sand in them (if only it had been the Sandman) and rubbing them only makes the feeling worse but he can’t stop himself. A manic energy is building in his limbs, the brief respite of resting even without sleep injecting false energy into his body. A glance at the clock shows a time while late not unreasonably so. Late enough that going for a walk is ill advised but not within the realm of completely crazy.</p>
<p>He slips his boots on and grabs the first coat that he touches, one of his more threadbare ones that will soon have to be put in retirement but good enough to ward whatever chill might linger in the air. Closing the door as softly as he can behind himself, he makes his way to the bunker door doing his best to make as little noise as possible and to avoid the other bunkers inhabitants. He makes it outside without running into anyone and the first breath of fresh cool air soothes and clears the cobwebs in his mind.</p>
<p>The weather is colder than what he is dressed for, not good walking weather, regardless of the hour. Because living in a place with no windows sometimes you lose connection with the outside world especially when it comes to the weather. So he didn’t notice that it had rained on and off all morning and that a chill had settled in lingering into the night, one not enough to harden the ground but one enough to make it so the mud was tacky.</p>
<p>Not that it stops him from making laps around the bunker.</p>
<p>With a press of his thumb to his palm, he banishes unwanted hallucinations of a certain someone commenting on how ‘it was lovely night for a walk right Sammy’.</p>
<p>Lucifer always did appreciate the cold.</p>
<p>The bottoms of his jeans are soon crusted in mud as well as his boots. Even though he has his jacket pulled around tight, between that and the physical activity it isn’t enough to stop the tiny tremors across his body from the nip in the air. Purposely keeping his mind blank, he ignores everything that doesn’t have to do with watching his step. The tension in his shoulders lessens with every lap he takes.</p>
<p>At some point, he doesn’t even bother watching his step, more focused on the stars in the sky and the sounds of nocturnal animals making their way in the world. When his legs start to immolate jelly, he decides to pack it in and makes his way back inside despite the comfort he is deriving from being outside. While he doesn’t think he could sleep just yet he feels like he has made a step in the right direction.  Going down the bunker stairs is slow going, takes more effort than he would like, and when he gets to the bottom of them he finds Dean waiting for him.</p>
<p>“Go take a shower.”</p>
<p>Deans voice is low, quiet, and without an ounce of anger in the inflection. Sam was going to shower anyways so he doesn’t object or argue. Now that he can feel the warmth of the bunker he realizes how cold his skin and the unpleasant reminder of who else burns cold isn’t something he needs right now. When Sam enters his room after a shower hot enough to turn his skin lobster red it’s to find his brother waiting patiently sitting at his desk. He doesn’t even look up from where he is staring at his clasped hands after Sam closes the door behind himself to try to mitigate the sound of their argument from echoing across the bunker.</p>
<p>Because there is no doubt that is where they are headed. Sam’s self-appointed protector has never shied away from protecting his charge, even when the opponent isn’t something easily fought or Sam himself. Looking at his brother now, he can’t help but think that he looks almost defeated and that hurts that Sam is the reason for that. Sam hates to let his brother down.</p>
<p>Sam doesn’t have the energy to stand for this conversation nor does he want to loom so he takes a seat on his bed facing his brother, patiently waiting for him to have the first word. He doesn’t have to wait long.</p>
<p>“You having nightmares or something?” Dean asks.</p>
<p>Sam shakes his head no, you have to have slept to have nightmares and besides that isn’t his problem this time. He isn’t avoiding sleep it is avoiding him.</p>
<p>“Something got you worried?”</p>
<p>Another shake of the head.</p>
<p>“Are you in trouble with someone or something?”</p>
<p>Another shake.</p>
<p>Finally, volcano Dean erupts, throwing his hands in the air exploding from his chair. “Well what is it than Sam? Tell me why you won’t sleep.” Dean yells in frustration.</p>
<p>“I don’t know.” Sam’s answer is quiet and defeated.</p>
<p>“Fine. We can solve this. We can have Cas knock you out with his mojo or get you some sleeping pills or if you want to go the hunter’s helper route we can do that too.” Dean said.</p>
<p>Sam once again quietly shakes his head.</p>
<p>“You need to sleep Sam. This isn’t a discussion. You can’t be going on midnight strolls in the cold making yourself sick instead of sleeping.” Dean replies with steel in his voice.</p>
<p>“You can’t make me go to sleep anymore Dean, I’m not five.” Sam finally speaks.</p>
<p>“If you were five this would be easier, I could tuck you in and read you a story and bam you’d be out like a light.”</p>
<p>Dean has never been good at watching his brother slowly unravel, has never been something he has been able to handle. Besides one of the ways Winchester’s show they care is by fighting, even if it is with each other. Another thing they aren’t good at is letting things go. Winchester men are stubborn to a fault.</p>
<p>“I don’t care how you do it but you need to sleep Sammy period. If you aren’t going to let Cas knock you out just take something dammit. If you want we can get in Baby and go for a drive, you don’t seem to have a problem napping in the car.” Dean’s tone softens, worry for his brother overriding the anger.</p>
<p>“I’m not going to do that Dean.”</p>
<p>“Well you have to do something Sam; you can’t just decide to stop sleeping.”</p>
<p>Sam feels his anger at the whole situation boil over again.</p>
<p>“I am not doing this on purpose.” He bowls right over his brother’s scoff to yell, “I’m trying!”</p>
<p>“I’m trying. I promise you I am.” Sam continues in a slightly lower voice.</p>
<p>The brothers just stare at one another for a moment with their chests heaving as if they just finished running a mile in a full out sprint.</p>
<p>After a moment, Dean’s body relaxes, losing its tension.</p>
<p>“Okay Sam. I know you are man. I just…”Dean trails off.</p>
<p>“You worry about me. Just like, I worry about you. But trust me when I say I will figure this out and move past it. This is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Regular people have problems with sleep all the time.” Sam quietly answered hazel eyes locked onto his brothers green ones.</p>
<p>Dean let out a sigh walked up to his brother and gently patted his shoulder before turning and leaving Sam’s room with quiet click of the door latching behind him.</p>
<p>Sam let himself fall back onto his bed, spending the rest of night watching his ceiling fan turn round and round. He needed to figure out a better way to deal with not being able to sleep. Staring at the walls and ceiling just wasn’t cutting it, even if he was resting which for the most part he felt was close enough to sleeping.</p>
<p>He should probably clean his ceiling fan; it was looking a little bit dusty.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Sam spends the next day moving around the bunker like a specter and just as pale as one. His features are sharper than usual and his eyes look sunken and ringed in black so dark his brother could be part raccoon. Dean clenches his hands hard enough that little crescent moons feel like they will be permanently etched into his palms to control himself from reaching out for his brother every times he stumbles into walls and chairs. He shakes his head at Cas and Jack when they ask if there is anything they can do.</p>
<p>Loathe, as he is to do it sometimes he needs to let his brother fight his own battles and trust that he can handle it. Besides like Sam said this isn’t some curse or whatever, just regular old insomnia. They’ve both dealt with their fair share of sleep issues and at least time Sam doesn’t have the devil on his shoulder keeping him awake.</p>
<p>Despite what has happened in between he has never doubted that his brother wasn’t strong enough, Sam is the most dependable person Dean has known after all. He just hates how his brother is always willing to give so much of himself to others even if at the same time he admires the shit out his ability to do so. When it comes down to it he knows he can always count on his brother, he just hopes that his brother doesn’t doubt that it goes both ways even if in the past Dean has let his brother down.</p>
<p>Eventually Dean goes to look for his wayward brother and he cannot find him in his usual haunts. It’s been a couple of hours since he has seen him same as the others when he asks if they have seen him. Really starting to freak out when he looks all over the bunker and nada. His brother isn’t at his sharpest and all he can think about is all the ways he can hurt himself in the bunker.</p>
<p>Something, his big brother radar, makes him check the room that Sam and Jack made the blanket fort. When he steps in, he doesn’t see his brother but then he hears his gentle snores coming from the fort. He crawls inside awkwardly trying to avoid collapsing the thing on his head and once again idly wondering how his giant little brother possibly got in made more remarkable in his sleep-deprived state. The flashlight that Sam left on highlights how rough the last few days have been on him, the sight of which causes a ping in his heart as he stares at Sam who is curled up on his side.</p>
<p>But Dean is just so damn glad to see his baby brother finally asleep.</p>
<p>He doesn’t know what was the catalyst for pushing his brother over the edge towards sleep or if he just tuckered himself out but he doesn’t care as long as he is sleeping. It is all very anticlimactic. Sometimes all you need is a time to solve a problem; the boys just aren’t used to the luxury of having it.</p>
<p>As gentle as he can he pulls a blanket from the nest and covers Sam who subconsciously pulls it closer. Then makes himself comfortable using as many pillows as he can find. They are far too old to by laying on the ground like this and their bodies are gonna ache something fierce tomorrow but Dean finds at that moment he doesn’t care.</p>
<p>He pulls out his phone turning the volume off, opens up a game of online poker, and settles in to watch over his brother. Not before taking pictures of his brother curled up, hair fanned out, and drooling like a child in his sleep and sending them to all of their friends. He does have a reputation to maintain after all.</p>
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